Normalizing Mental Health

Depression is like waves in the ocean, the tide changing from gentle crests to crashing waves that feel like they are pressing you deeper into the sea.  Most days I ride the waves with confidence, but then on days like today, I feel like I am drowning. It comes without warning, stays for awhile, then returns to the place it my mind where it hibernates until the next time. Minutes, hours, days, I never know when or why. It’s my normal and I am not alone. 

Many people don’t know of my inner struggles. Society stigmatizes mental health issues; anxiety, depression, and OCD are just a few ways to say someone is not well…crazy. Therapy has become a dirty word and no one wants to admit they need help. I myself worry about what people would think if they knew my truths. But the truth is simply this. I am human. I have many different thoughts and feelings. Some are positive and healthy, others are not. Call it depression, anxiety, mental illness, I am not ashamed. I take medicine and I go to therapy, not to become well, but to grow. I work daily to become a better, stronger person. I am human, this is normal, I am enough. 

Kids shows that make me crazy!

I always said my kids would not be allowed to watch very much television, but somewhere along the way, both of them have become quite the little couch potatoes. I try to limit their watching to educational (mostly Noggin or PBS sprout), but even these “educational” shows can be less than desirable for the mom who has to listen to them on a regular basis. Here are my least favorite shows that my kids seem to adore!

1) Max & Ruby – I have now renamed this cartoon Justin & Alexis because Ruby is often a very mean big sister! I mean seriously. I watched an episode yesterday in which Ruby and her friend were having a sleepover and kept asking max for his sleeping bag and other items, yet when it came time to go inside the tent, they basically told him to go away. I have just a few questions about this show: “Where the heck are the parents?” Why is a 7 year old girl taking care of her brother anyway? What on earth are my children learning from this show? What I think is that Alexis is learning to be a nag and Justin is being prepared for a lifetime of being nagged, tortured, and bitched at by his future wife. :)

2) The Wonder Pets – This show is just creepy. The life like little animals actually scare me somewhat and I can’t stand most of the songs. Unlike other shows that are full of music, the songs aren’t very catchy, just more like sing-song speaking. Additionally, the duckling’s speech impediment bothers me. Especially when Alexis tries to copy it and says, “this is sewious”.

3) Peppa Pig – This is one of those little shows in between shows, but still annoying. These creations do NOT look like pigs. Their heads are shaped like…well…use your imagination. They hairy faced dad is the worst. You know that somewhere there is an illustrator laughing his ass off about the phallic headed pigs he put in a kids show.

4) Zooboomafoo – Okay, I know that this show has lots of educational value. My kids love animals and I should be happy that she watches this, but I can’t stand the Kratt’s brothers. I will seriously change the channel if I can get to the remote before Alexis see it simply because they annoy me so much. I do however love Zaboo the lemur. He’s cute and entertaining. Maybe they can just get rid of the brothers and let him do all of the teaching.

5) Caillou – Lots of good life lessons, but one whiney little boy. I’d smack my kid if she acted like that. Okay, I wouldn’t really, but I sure would want to. He’s horrible. At least I can tell Alexis that she shouldn’t act like him.

So much to do...so little time

Has it really been almost a month since my last post? My how time flies when you have tons of things to do. Well, since my last blog post, so much has happened. I officially started grad school which has kept me extremely busy. I am enrolled in the Educational Counseling program with the hopes of obtaining an M.S. and a PPS credential for K-12 and eventually becoming a school counselor. I am taking 2 classes right now, but they are both accelerated and last only 4 weeks. Basically I am taking 4.5-6 units a month which is the equivelant of 22 units a semester. The program itself is 17 months, but the last 3 are internship, so if all goes well I will be "working" in a little over a year. I go to school Monday through Wednesday from 5:30pm-10pm and then spend the rest of the week reading and doing homework. Additionally, many of my classes require observations or projects, so in the next 15 months I will be accumulating 100 + hours of practicum and then another 600 hours for my internship. After 2 weeks of trying to obtain clearance and trying to setup schools to complete the a fore mentioned hours, I now wonder how on earth anyone finishes grad school. I emailed and/or called 5 different schools and districts and only received one reply back and not surprisingly, that was from the school district that I grew up in. However, the hoops you have to jump through in order to actually do any hours in the schools are incredible. It was going to take almost 4 weeks to get clearance which isn't really helpful for my two classes this month. Thankfully, the assistant superintendent was willing to make an exception so that I could do the 4 hours that are required for my classes this month, but I'm still boggled. I have talked to quite a few people in my classes that are struggling with the same issues and find it strange that anyone can actually complete their hours when so many places will not return correspondences. I would rather someone email me and tell me they aren't available than just not respond. It just seems so unprofessional. Regardless, I have an appointment with a counselor next Friday to shadow her and interview her and then I will spend all weekend writing 2 papers and preparing a 10 minute presentation to evaluate her school counseling program. I really am excited about the whole thing, however frusterating it gets. I have never been so sure in my life that this is what I am supposed to do. I can't wait to get started and I enjoy the few hours a night in which I get to engage in adult conversation without watching furry or animated television characters.

In addition to school which takes up a good portion of my time, Alexis celebrated her 3rd birthday! I can't believe my little angel is 3! On her actual birthday we had a simple cake and let her open up presents from Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Uncle Ted, and Justin. The following weekend we had a big party at her favorite place, Chuck E. Cheese. I must say as exhausting as it was, it was also lots of fun. Alexis and Justin had a great time and Justin discovered a love for largthe characters, though I'm not sure he would want to let them go. Alexis on the other hand is still very tentative around Chuck E. Cheese, though she did finally hug him once. Probably the best things about her birthday were that Uncle Ted came out from Illinois and Uncle Jerry came out from Arizona. It meant so much that they came so far for her birthday, plus we all enjoyed the opportunity to see them. Uncle Ted was here for a whole month and leaves next week. I will miss him so much but am thankful for the time we got to spend with him.

The highlight of my month though is that Alexis has FINALLY decided she wants to use the potty! She has been in panties for about 5 days now with very few accidents and I expect that it will be a short time now before she has completely mastered the potty!

And now for the fun stuff. PICTURES!

As I said, Justin LOVED Chuck E.

Alexis after she had gotten up enough nerve to hug the mouse



Alexis trying to pretend she is happy about this picture.



Alexis has a favorite Backyardigan episode in which Austin wins a gold medal in the race around the world. This was by far the best moment of the night for her when she received a special Chuck E. Cheese birthday medal.



As you can see, she continued to hold on to her gold medal even as she blew out her candles.



Presents were so much fun this year as she actually knew how to open them and was surprised and happy each and every time she opened something.



Even here when she had no idea what it was. She was even more excited when she realized it was a sleeping bag. She slept in it on the couch for two nights!



Playing dress up in the little mermaid costume Uncle Jerry gave her.




Who is this little boy and where did my baby go?



Justin thought Bella needed a hat too!



She was a good sport, but didn't look too happy about it.

Hope everyone is having a great day and I will try to update more frequently!